susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is wine microwaveable?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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