Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
