i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
