I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize