i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
