haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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