PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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