My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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