We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
