So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize