just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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