what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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