Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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