Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
