okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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