some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
