Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize