I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
