# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
