i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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