He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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