come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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