I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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