Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
