I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize