I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
