i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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