i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its not stalking. its research.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
