Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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