dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
