something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
