Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
