I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
