just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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