my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
