I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
