I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
