He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
