At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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