You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm so fucking centered right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
