Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
