I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
