They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
