Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
