I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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