Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
