You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
