i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
