i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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