There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize