I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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