he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize