I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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