Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
