How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Houston, we have a squirter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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