if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
