why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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