She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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