wat bout pragnant strippers??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
