I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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