a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
