Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
