i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
