it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
