you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
