Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
