lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
