Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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