I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
