btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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