I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We are all done wearing pants today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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