She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
