Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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