No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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