I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You just made me feel so damn special
My first STD was from a foam party
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
