ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
