Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
