My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
