I am puke
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
