I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
