how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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