Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
