Yo dont text me then not text me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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