New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just found a bag of teeth...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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