Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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