I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
