So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
