I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
