she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
