Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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