That's intense
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
