I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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