i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
