you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
