Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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