May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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