i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
