i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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