It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
