4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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