Im at strip club and am horny
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
