4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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